ANGELIQUE ELECTRA
I was recently participating in a wonderful writing group which writes to prompts which serve to reveal ourselves, lovingly, to ourselves. The prompt posed was: “What is beautiful and poignant about your own life?” ” I found this question to be quite jolting. I realized how programmed my mind was to consider the deficits, mistakes and lost opportunities of my life, instead of its innate beauty and grace. Most of all, when I began to consider the question, I found that there is so much resilience and strength. However, I found that I had so much difficulty with responding to the assignment that I had to write in the third person as “she.” Wake up call!
After doing some “inner spirit” review of this, I came to realize how little credit I give myself for the totality and each element of the outpicturing of my life. I also realized how little I own its poignancy as essential and even beautiful — even those pieces creating the sadness and regret. I have several decades of living for which I have not adequately provided accolades of experiencing life as I have. I know that I am far from alone in this aspect of our humanity. Out of this exercise, I imagined how I would describe the synopsis of my life — like a novel or movie.
This is what I wrote:
“This is a life of a black girl, devastated over the loss of her charismatic mother as she was blossoming into her teens, who grows up striving to find meaning and balance in her life — between pleasing her black culture and her elders through the attainment of prestigious education and opportunities, while struggling to understand and express her own creativity. She has had great losses of those closest to her and has often numbed her heart in order to endure such deep pain. She has also reached outside of her comfort zone to re-discover her connection with God and redefine spirituality for herself and her creativity, as well as to redefine and recreate “family” — releasing, adopting and embracing. Out of all this she has spun a cozy tapestry of love enveloping her, with soul-generated children and lifelong bonds, while enjoying an oftimes exhilarating personal independence. She has always been romantically optimistic as she walks her own path, yet, without a life partner to call her own. She has also felt “free” yet often closeted in her own self-expression. She keeps opening herself up, in spite of the illusionary fear. She prides herself on her resilience and her strength to have endured so much without losing herself. Sometimes, she laments her innate and quietly enjoyed solitude in the ironic midst of many intimate and mutually devoted connections. She moves ardently forward with a sense of wonder and endless expectations, as she continues to champion her visions and surrender to the Divine.”
We each do live a beautiful and poignant Hero’s Journey. We are called to our life’s expression, and are parented or mentored along the way with people or sheer experience, whether loving or harsh, as we face our demons and obstacles in our path. We build resilience in the face of difficulty, and somehow find courage to move into the next day or next phase of our lives. We are often not happy, and deeply notice those often fleeting moments of innate joy and exhilaration. We strive to be present, but are often the victim of conditioning. We each have “hard knocks” or losses along the way, and must ultimately face our own mortality. We form connections with others, as well as lament those connections we fail to make. We are often not our best own champions and defer to the will or wishes of others, but deep inside we know we want to be in front, without apology, living our best lives.
Your life is in fact beautiful and poignant. Find the grace and beauty of it. Honor yourself for the dragons you’ve slayed, and the strength and perseverance you had to exercise to get to the present moment. Forgive yourself for the times you regret, realizing that each experience is necessary as part of the beautiful mosaic and collage that forms. The polarities of good and bad are those you have traveled full length, and that in each moment, you decided as best you could. Hurray for that!
We champion ourselves. We claim the prizes. We honor our past, and see the future as a process of divine co-creation, taking all our learnings, talents and innate genius, to get us to the next and every other goal post or waystation. We travel this path with others by our side, or we may even be the leader, pied piper or a devout follower. Knowing that our lives will one day end deepens poignancy and transforms it into deep appreciation and gratitude. With that, we open our spirits to the innate knowing that we will continue to exist in some form of eternity.